Category Archives: Socially Awkward

A month after my discovery..

After discovering I have ADD, I sunk into “functioning” depression mode.

I took sometime to mull over my earlier post. Although I’m glad to learn something about myself, a part of me is fearful of being judged.. My self-worth feels rotten and self-confidence crumbled.. No desire to live, but I lack the courage to end my life, therefore I carry on living.

To tell the truth, I don’t want to stay like this forever.. I want to do something great (while I’m still alive) and give back to humanity/society. Despite all the challenges thrown in my path, there is a glimmer of hope Life is worth living.. I must have faith and keep believing.

 Maybe listening to Oprah or TED talks might help.

The day I found out I had ADD…

Seeing the journey I traveled, from someone else's perspective.

Seeing the journey I traveled, from someone else’s perspective.

A few days ago, someone (shan’t say who, cos I’m not sure if the person wants to be known) said I might have ADD. Huh, AD-what? When I heard that, I was shocked and defended myself.. I wasn’t sure what ADD was, but I was dead sure I didn’t have a problem or disorder.

Today, while I was taking a break in between work, my curiosity led me to google ADD. I told myself to keep an open mind when reading this information. People tend to misdiagnose or exaggerate their conditions, especially when they read stuff from the internet. I was determined not to let myself be one of those people.

Then the shocker came, as I was reading this.

My pulse started racing.. I had 80 to 90% of the described symptoms; a few of the symptoms which I’ve managed to overcome (by the difficult way) and the rest which are still a challenge to me.

Damn.. Damn!

I was speechless.. Even though I was seated on a chair, the muscles on my legs felt tense. Still in disbelief, I read further-ADD in children. My heart sank while reading the part on Symptoms of Inattention in Children.

I identified most of the symptoms under Inattention, a few symptoms for hyperactivity and impulsivity. As I recalled the struggles I met in my schooling years, I felt sad.. I always thought I was a problem. If only there was help and a support system for ADD kids, school wouldn’t have been such a torture.

To gather different references, I went on reading other websites; the information on ADD was the same. Although I’m not diagnosed by a doctor/health professional, I’m quite certain on the outcome. (Btw, I’m not one of those people who rejoices upon hearing their new diagnoses).

The articles I read have brought tremendous relief to my heart. Now that I have the understanding of ADD challenges, I can make real changes in my life. It’s time for me to let go of the emotional guilt and start afresh.

Dear Reader, before you make a conclusion on ADD, I hope you can take 5 mins to read this article. Even though ADD is called Attention Deficit Disorder, it is not a mental illness or a disability… Think of it as a genetic variation.

Life isn’t perfect, but we do the best we can.

4 mins of Myself…

You’re about to enter a room full of strangers, where you will have exactly four minutes to tell a story that would convey who you really are. What’s your story?

Omg.

I’m an introvert by nature.. and it makes me uneasy when I’m in a room full of strangers.

Wait. Why am I in a room full of strangers?

I hope it’s not Alcoholic Anonymous… (I’m not an alcoholic btw)… or some religious club. The last religious club I joined didn’t end well.

Before I could figure out the gathering details, the crowd started with personal introduction.

As my turn started to draw nearer, my stomach started churning.. my pulse started racing.. and I felt queasy.

Omg.

It was my turn.

With shaky knees, I managed to stand up.

“I can do this. I can do this..” I whispered to myself.

Hi everyone… My name is Raspberry.

I’m feeling a little hungry at the moment, so all I can think of is food.. hee.

My favorite cuisine is Korean and Japanese.

korean foodjapanese foodI love kimchi… and I would die to eat kimchi.

I also have a cat.. his name is Kitty.

IMG_6233He’s a sweet nature cat..

I’ve read stories of how the pet cats take over control at home.. and I’m thankful him isn’t any of that.

He gets along with my pet dog, Doggie.. he is staying at my parent’s place.

Taking a nap under the old sofa

Taking a nap under the old sofa

Friends come in all shapes and sizes.. different colors too. Cats and dogs can coexist.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes.. different colors too.
Cats and dogs can coexist.

The other things I enjoy are… doodling, taking pictures and traveling.

 I’m on a learning journey on life and myself… and I hope to share this adventure with everyone.

After I sat down.. the next person stood up and started his introduction.

In stealth mode, I slipped out of the room and headed to the bar for a beer.

A n ice-cold beer helps to calm the nerves. 🙂

Sing like You’re Winning

I like to sing when I’m at home.

It helps to lift up my spirits and put me in a cheery mood.

I’m not perfect at hitting the right notes every time.. and this made me rather conscious of myself.

Only in the comfort of my home, I would let loose and sing to my hearts contend.

It didn’t matter what gene or era the song belonged to.. as long as it felt right for the moment, it would be the anthem of the moment.

My concert.

As long as you don’t judge, it would be free for your entertainment. 🙂

Oh wait.. there is something I forgot to mention too.

.. I can’t remember the lyrics to the songs… Ops.

To substitute the forgotten lyrics, I would sing whatever that comes to mind.

Haa.

Singing is for enjoyment… As long as I’m having fun, who cares? 😀

By the end of every concert, if my sisters were in.. I would do a bow and say,”Thank you! Thank you very much!

My sisters would laugh or roll their eyes at my silliness.


It took me several years, before I became comfortable to sing in-front of Blueberry.

One of the first few song I sang in-front of him was Copacabana.

It wasn’t too far when the wrong lyrics came out.

“Her name was Lola, she was a call-girl…”

Blueberry was shocked and he burst out laughing.

My face and my neck felt hot.. I wanted to hide in a hole. Sigh!

It took my few weeks before I felt brave enough to sing in-front of him again.

This time I got I Won’t Give Up wrong.

“I won’t give up on us.. Even If the skies breakdown and die..”

My face and neck felt hot again.

The Daily Prompt: Unexpected Guests

You walk into your home to find a couple you don’t know sitting in your living room, eating a slice of cake. Tell us what happens next.

I would be surprised to find guests in my home.

Blueberry and I stay with my parents.. and we don’t invite our friends over.

(Perhaps we might have house parties when we’ve our own place).. hee.

My parents are quite shy and they rarely invite their friends over.

Even though my parents seldom have guests over, I would assume they are my parents’ friends..

I would say “Hi” to them.. and maybe chat with them abit.. then maybe disappear into my room.

Photo credits to Alison Lawson Cakes

Photo credits to Alison Lawson Cakes

Oh! Wait a minute..

Did someone mention there’s cake?

If it’s Black Forest… or something fancy…

I might hang around for cake. Hee.

This is a response to the Daily Prompt: Unexpected Guests

Last but Not Least…

Have you ever dreamt of winning an award?

Well, I have.

When I was a kid, I used to love to watch award shows..

People’s Choice Award, MTV Awards, The Oscars, local TV awards.. etc.

It never fails to amaze me how the winners could give an impromptu “thank you” speech.

How could anyone think clearly, when they win an award?

I think I would have freaked out!

Haahaa.

If I ever win something in my lifetime.. I hope the organizers would inform me earlier. Hee.

This would give me more lead time to prepare my “thank you” speech..

I hope my nervousness will not get the better of me… The last thing I want is to go up the stage and mumble…

“Um, thank you everyone.. Er.. Yea, thanks!”

*Stares blankly at the camera, then leave the stage*

Oh no.

It’s not everyday I get to win an award.. and I would love to give honor when it’s due. 🙂

Ps: I heard some awards do tell the winners beforehand, so they could prepare their speech. Not sure if this is mostly the case..


“In your imaginary award acceptance speech (yes, we know you have one), who’s the very last — and most important — person you thank?”

Thanks, Daily Prompt… you know us so well!

I guess it’s pretty obvious..

It would be Blueberry.

cartoon-blueberries

Blueberry has been my pillar of encouragement through the storms of life.. I believe I am who I am today, because of his unwavering love and support.

He is one of the best things that happen to me.

I love you, Blueberry… and I look forward to the many years to come.  😀

This is a prompt from the Daily Prompt: Last but Not Least

Because the Night

Back to work isn’t easy.

I miss the routine of a homemaker terribly..

I miss waking up later, running errands, spending quality time with Kitty and Doggie and staying up late to blog..

Yes, especially staying up late..

The blogging inspirations always comes between 11pm to 1am.

Perhaps, it the reason why I’ve several spelling and grammar mistakes too..

Ops.. please pardon me the mistakes..


There is so much to learn at my new job.

New systems. New job roles. New colleagues.

The thought of Kitty and Doggie at home made me sad.

I miss them so much.

I miss Kitty’s tail brushing against my calves and Doggie’s barking.

.. no hand-phone in the office for now.. until my hand-phone is configured for work.

.. security reasons, they say..

After work, I retrieved my hand-phone.. I almost cried when I saw Kitty and Doggie’s picture in my phone.

I felt so far away from them.

.. If only I could bring them to work..

This post is a prompt from the Daily Post: Because the Night

Kindergarten Birthday Party

My friend invited me to join her daughter’s birthday party at school… Her daughter is in Kindergarten.

Happy Birthday, Dearie!

Happy Birthday, Dearie!

There were 2 birthday cakes- one fruit flan, the other was chocolate… there were also presents for everyone… and plenty of group photo taking!

It was full of fun!

The birthday girl was happy to celebrate with her classmates.. seeing her mother at school celebrating with her made her day too… awww! 🙂

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Being at the party brought back memories…. it made me think of my (boo-boo) kindergarten birthday party when I was 5 years old…

When I was in K1 (kindergarten 1), I asked my parents for a birthday cake…. so I could celebrate my birthday with my classmates.

My mother bought me a pretty cream cake, which had wordings done with piping jelly.

It was cherry red piping jelly…. wow, it looked  so mesmerizing to me! I couldn’t resist the temptation of peeking into the box to see my cake…

After peeking into the box several times, I had an ideal…. A very terrible one.

I  wanted to taste the piping jelly… and I planed to do that by gently tracing the wordings with my finger.

“As long as my friends can see the words on the cake, I guess it shouldn’t hurt to eat some piping jelly…” I said happily to myself.

This is how my cake looked like, before the disaster happened…

A example of how my birthday cake looked like.

Before- nice and pretty

and the aftermath…

mykidbirthdaycake2

After… 😦

*Sigh*

My mother got a shock when she saw the cake…. It was only then I realized my cake became a disaster.

I remembered asking my mother if we could send it back to the bakery to fix it…. there was no way we could get a new cake too, because the shops were closed.

To fast forward the story, my parents brought the cake to my class…. 

When my friends saw the box of cake, they were thrilled with excitement… unfortunately, their excitement dissipate the moment my cake was revealed.

It was such an embarrassment.

The post is a response to the Daily Prompt: Careless Whisper

Embarrassing moments between us

just us

Blueberry and I went through that.. and we had a fair share of embarrassing moments with each other.

Here are some of our stories:

1) Accidental snort

We were laughing over a joke and I laughed so hard that I snorted… I tried to disguise the snort with some weird sounding giggle.. (not sure if he noticed it!)

2) The dumpling that crashed

While dinning in a Chinese restaurant, we ordered steamed dumplings to share.. I attempted to take a dumpling for Blueberry, but my poor chopstick skills didn’t allow me to… the dumpling slipped my grip and crashed unto the fine china…

It caused quite a commotion in the restaurant… Sigh! It didn’t help when Blueberry burst out laughing…

Omg, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

3) Our first accidental fart.

Enough said.

4) The first time he told me… he didn’t like my favorite sundress.

I used to have a favorite brown sundress, which I thought it looked bohemian chic… At one point in my life, I kept wearing that dress whenever I went out with Blueberry…

He only told me he hated that dress after 1.5 years. 😦

Sheesh.

5) End-of-a-long-day-hair

When we started dating, he liked smelling my hair..

One day, we went dating after work…  towards the end of the date, he smelled my hair and was horrified it didn’t smell the same. Duh!

He didn’t smell my hair ever since. Sigh.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Did you and you loved one go through same/ similar experiences too?

This post is a response to The Daily Prompt: Isn’t your face red

Lost for Words

Have you ever met someone whom makes you feel loved and warm all over? 

.. I wished I could be like them too..

Inspired by their love and kindness, I decided to spread some sunshine or “pay it forward” by doing these things..

  1. Meeting friends for lunch, especially when they need lunch company.
  2. Make people (service staff, friends, family) laugh by cracking jokes.
  3. Lending a listening ear to someone when they need to talk.

So far the journey  has been fine..

I’m able to do #1 and #2… but I’m having trouble with #3.

One of the main barriers I faced is not being able to encourage or “counsel” someone when they are down.

When a person is feeling blue, besides having a friend to be there for them, he/she would love to hear a word of encouragement.

This is the part where I’m often stuck with… I find myself in a lost for words to say.

… I feel like an idiot in these situations.. I wish I could say something (even if it’s simple) to encourage them.

It’s not that I don’t care for my friends… There is stuff I would like to tell them, but I worry if it would be appropriated to share with them…

The pondering goes on for minutes… but in the end, I just sit there and listen..

I hate this socially awkward side of me… I wish I could make people see positivity in life and feel good about themselves.

Is this normal? Do other people face this barrier too?

I hope to overcome this barrier… I want to be able to say the right words of encouragement to my loved ones and friends, when the situation calls for it..

Is there hope for me?

This post is a prompt from the Daily Prompt: Obstacle course